Dirty Little Murder: A Plain Jane Mystery (The Plain Jane Mysteries Book 2)

  Dirty Little Murder

  A Plain Jane Mystery

  Traci Tyne Hilton

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Bright New Murder Excerpt

  About the Author

  1

  Jane Adler scraped the gunk out of the u-shaped pipe and flicked it onto the newspaper on the floor. She spread it thin with her gloved fingertip, but the missing wedding ring wasn’t hidden in the blob of gunk. Either it hadn’t fallen down the drain or it had washed away. She wasn’t a plumber, so she couldn’t vouch for the ring’s ability to wash away, but it seemed unlikely. Especially with the huge diamond attached.

  A tight knot had formed at the base of her neck, so she rolled her head from side to side. The sink parts had to go back together before her client came home, no matter how her neck felt.

  Jane rocked back on her heels. According to the Youtube video on her phone, the plastic pipes should go back together without any kind of putty or tape. Jane started with the pipe from the drain to the pea trap. Despite the slippery sliminess of her gloved hands, it fit. So far, so good. If the pea trap would connect to the drain from the other side of the double sink, she was good.

  It almost did.

  She pushed it gently toward the back wall, and snapped it into the receiving end of the other pipe. She let go of it, and slid the screw connector into place, but the threads were crossed and it wouldn’t twist on. She slid it up again. The pipe that led from the pea trap to the drain popped out.

  Jane’s phone beeped.

  It was Isaac.

  She tried to take the call, but the phone wouldn’t read her latex and slime covered finger. She pulled her glove half way off, then changed her mind. Time was short, her boss was picky, and her boyfriend could wait.

  She forced the PVC pipe back into place, but that made the pea trap pop out of the first connection she had made. She tried to slip it back up into the cap, but it wouldn’t go.

  She took a deep breath. She relaxed her shoulders. She thanked God that she wasn’t the one who had dropped her client’s wedding ring down the sink.

  With slow, measured movements, she unconnected the twisty connection ring that supposedly held the pea trap in place, and slid it back onto the pipe in the right order, noting how much easier things came apart than they went back together.

  She tested all of the connections. They were solid.

  Then she pulled her gloves off and called Isaac back. “Sorry about the delay. I was plumbing.”

  “You know how to live.”

  “My client dropped her ring down the sink and wanted me to get it out.” Jane crumpled up the newspapers she had used to protect the marble floor.

  “And you tried, because you are awesome like that.” Isaac had a chuckle in his voice, but the phone call was breaking up.

  “Let me guess, you taught a class of eager, enthusiastic young seminarians under the shade of a grass roof, and then went to the beach to swim in the clear waters.”

  “Close. After class we went out back and kicked the ball around.”

  “Are you in heaven?”

  “Are you kidding? You’re not with me. It’s paradise, at best, but it’s not heaven.”

  Jane flushed. “I wish I was there.” She mopped up the drips of grimy water that had missed the newspaper. “Only forty more days until you come home.”

  “Yup.”

  “Man, I do wish it was the other way around.” Isaac’s voice sounded far away, which was fitting since he was more than four thousand miles from home.

  “You wish you were forty more days away from going away?” Jane rubbed her forehead. She wanted to engage in romantic banter, but she had limited time to get the plumbing mess put away.

  “I wish you were coming here in forty days.”

  “I see! Sorry.” Jane pushed the box of organic home cleaners back under the sink. “I’m thinking the Seminario Christiano de Costa Rica doesn’t approve of girlfriend visits, though.”

  “They’d keep a close eye on us, that’s for sure. But…”

  Jane smiled. “But I could come, say, just for a week, right before you head home?”

  “You could.”

  “Do you know how many houses I would have to clean to afford a trip to Costa Rica?” Jane swept the kitchen, though at first glance, it looked clean.

  “Your parents?”

  “Are about as excited for me to run off to Costa Rica with my boyfriend as your employers would be.”

  “Point taken. But I miss you.” The phone crackled again.

  “I miss you, too.” The worst part of their summer apart was the patchy international phone calls.

  “And I love you.”

  “I know.”

  “Jane, I’m serious.” Isaac’s phone crackled.

  “I know. I’m just up to my armpits in Ajax and about to face a client who isn’t going to be happy with me.” Jane hedged. Love. Sure, she “loved” him, or she couldn’t have spent the last year dating him. But after a point, love means the rest of your life, and that’s where she hesitated.

  The phone fritzed again. “I do, too, Isaac. You know I do.”

  “I’ve got to run. Call me later?” His voice was distant. Jane wanted to blame the phone, but she was pretty sure it was her own fault.

  “Definitely.” Jane racked her broom in the pantry. It was a balancing act, and no one knew it better than Isaac. Island life was getting to his brain, and she couldn’t blame him. She hoped his summer away would light a fire for missions in his heart that matched her own, but only time would tell.

  In the meantime, Caramel Swanson wasn’t going to like it, but there was no ring in the kitchen sink pea trap.

  Jane checked the house room by room to make sure all of the lights were out before she let herself leave for the day.

  A bright red convertible pulled into the driveway just as Jane was locking the door. She had hoped to get out before Caramel returned, but she was a moment too late.

  “Jane! I’m so glad you are still here.” Caramel swept out of her little car, her heels clacking on the brick driveway. “Did you find the ring?”

  Jane grimaced and shook her head.

  “Did you take the sink apart to look?”

  “Yes.” Jane never knew what to say to Caramel. Isaac’s mom had recommended Plain Jane’s Good Clean Houses to the Swanson family, to replace their regular housekeeper while she was on vacation for the summer, but the thirty-something Caramel was as different from sixty-year-old Mrs. Daniels as a yappy little Chihuahua was from an Airedale.

  “Did you check the mudroom sink?”

  “You said you dropped it down the kitchen sink.” Jane checked herself before she said, “Ma’am.” Caramel’s husband may well have been sixty years old and a former mayor, but Caramel was clinging to her youth at all costs.

  “This is a very expensive ring, Jane. I assumed you would sto
p at nothing to find it.”

  Jane snuck a peek at the time on her phone. She wished with all her heart that she had to rush back to class, but nope. Her first year of business school was over and done. She had no reason to rush away.

  Jane weighed the missing ring on a quickly manufactured scale of emotional importance. Her personal goal was to treat each family like the mission field, serving them with the heart of Christ… but finding a trophy wife’s missing diamond didn’t resonate with her.

  “You were hoping that I would keep checking even if I didn’t find it where you thought that you lost it.” Jane went with “reflect so they will feel listened to” to buy herself some more thinking time.

  “Indeed I did. And since you claim you didn’t find it, I hope you have good insurance.”

  “Excuse me?” Jane took a step backwards.

  “You claim you didn’t find the ring. It went down the drain of my sink last time I saw it, so if it’s not there now, there is only one reason.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” Jane couldn’t reflect that sentence. “Are you accusing me of stealing your ring?”

  “You tell me. Did you ‘find’ the ring in the sink or not? I would think if you honestly didn’t find the ring you would have kept looking. That ring is worth half a million dollars.”

  “But, ma’am.” It slipped out. Jane didn’t intend to make Caramel angrier than she already was. “You told me to check the kitchen sink because you thought you dropped your ring down it. I took it apart, cleaned it out, and didn’t see anything. You didn’t ask me to look anywhere else.” Jane’s hand went to her pocket, where her instruction notes were folded carefully in a wallet, just for that purpose. Isaac Daniels’ father was a small claims court judge, and getting to know the family over the last year had made Jane wiser and more paranoid. Apparently, just in time.

  “You can get back in that house and find my ring, Jane, or you can leave, and hear from my lawyers.” Caramel’s cheeks were flushed pink, her red lips were parted and puffy, as though they had recently been shot full of fillers. Her eyes had done the buggy, crazy-eye thing they did when she talked about her husband’s ex-wife or her neighbors.

  Jane prayed again, begging God for the right words. “If you would like to have me come back tomorrow to help look, I can schedule you in.” She exhaled slowly. “But I think you could get all of the sinks checked faster with a plumber.”

  Caramel stood between Jane and Jane’s car. Jane measured the distance with her eyes. At least twenty steps, if she tried to barrel past her, but double that, or more, if she attempted to swing wide, walking around Caramel.

  “My husband won’t put up with this.” Caramel put her hands on her hips. “When I tell him what happened here, you’ll never work in this town again.”

  Considering Portland had half a million people, or more if you counted all the surrounding towns, Jane didn’t take the threat seriously.

  “Don’t underestimate me, Jane. My husband may think you are the cutest thing ever, but that won’t stop him from putting you in your place.”

  The husband.

  Jane doubted that Douglas Swanson thought she was the cutest thing ever, as she had never met him, and didn’t have a picture of herself on her website or flyers.

  “So, would you like me to come back tomorrow or will you be calling a plumber?”

  Caramel narrowed her eyes. “My husband won’t be back for another two weeks, you know.”

  Jane nodded. “What time would you like me to arrive?” She attempted to smile. If she truly was coming back to dig through every sink in the Swanson house tomorrow, she’d be bringing Holly, her new employee, with her. When half million dollar rings were at stake, a witness seemed super important.

  “Be here at 7:00 a.m. sharp.” Caramel swept past Jane, pushing her into a concrete angel. “I’ll be home the whole time, so don’t think you can get away with putting the ring back. I’ll be watching you.”

  Jane ran to her car. She drove away from the Swanson house as fast as she could. “Quirky,” “spirited,” and “particular” were the words Mrs. Daniels had used to describe the new Mrs. Swanson. They must have been synonymous for utterly bonkers, otherwise Mrs. Daniels was at risk for false representation.

  The Swanson paycheck was a welcome addition to the bottom line, but Jane was willing to forego name brand coffee and other luxuries if it meant she could quit this job tomorrow morning, as soon as all of the sinks in the six-thousand square foot mini-mansion had been put back together.

  Jane parked at the apartment she shared with her cousin. She had to take off her house-cleaner’s hat now, even if the current situation seemed to call for some serious planning.

  In a few short hours, she had coffee and dessert with her church’s Mission Coordinator. Jane decided to spend as much time as she could this afternoon praying, listening to God, and reading the Bible.

  Jane didn’t know what Paula Ehlers had in mind, but a coffee and dessert get together with a couple of other mission-minded people and the woman in charge of the church missions program was something she needed to prepare for.

  2

  At seven o’clock sharp, after two hours of prayer and petition, a nap, and a hastily eaten sandwich, Jane found herself in the cozy living room of Paula Ehlers, head of the missions department at Columbia River Christian Church.

  While her time in the Bible had been solid, the scene with Caramel that morning had shaken her. She sat on an overstuffed leather chair across from Pastor Ehlers, feeling out of place and lonely.

  The other two would-be missionaries sat on the matching sofa. Jane shifted in her seat. Long fingers of the bright summer evening sun filtered through the half-shut curtains, blinding Jane. Plus, she was hot. A fan kept the air moving around the room, but she was glistening and damp.

  Paula was a thin, tan woman with wise eyes that crinkled when she smiled, and soft, straight hair that fell to her chin. Paula had a slow, steady way about her that spoke of the many years she had spent overseas, and reflected a life of patient obedience to God. She was exactly who Jane hoped to be someday.

  Jane held a stack of papers on her lap that had crumpled a bit in her hot hands. She tried to smooth them out. A combination personality-test/resume, Paula had given a set to all three women a couple of weeks ago when they first met each other.

  Paula gathered each set of papers. “I’m glad to see you all had a chance to finish the packets. We’ve found that a little time spent learning about our missions’ candidates goes a long way toward helping them succeed on the field.” Paula squared off the stack of papers and then slid them into a messenger bag that sat on the floor. “After I’ve had a chance to read all of them, I want to get together with each of you alone and chat.” She folded her hands on her knees and leaned forward slightly, giving them the impression of rapt attention.

  “I really enjoyed the opportunity to think and pray over the questions.” Kaitlyn, a petite blonde woman sat across the room from Jane. Kaitlyn had a fifty-watt smile, glossy blonde hair, and a prosthetic hand, something Jane hadn’t noticed last time they had met. “My fiancé is already overseas.” She dropped her gaze to the diamond engagement ring on her fake hand. “I’ve been taking my future ministry for granted. It was good to step back and consider what God has prepared me for, instead of what I expect I’ll be doing.”

  “Were you surprised by any of the answers you got?” Paula relaxed back into her chair. She picked up her tea cup and sipped it.

  “Nah.” Kaitlyn laughed softly. “It was really good to see how well my hopes and my talents align.”

  “Remind me what Spencer does. I know he’s in the Philippines, but what’s he doing?” Valerie, sitting on the corner of the couch so she could face Kaitlyn while she spoke, was a plump, cheerful woman in her mid forties. Her eyes almost disappeared in crinkles when she smiled, and her curly hair bounced as she nodded her head.

  “He runs a youth shelter in the Philippines. We’re going to get marri
ed when he comes back on furlough next year, then I’m going back with him.” Kaitlyn’s prosthetic hand rested on her knee. Jane did her best not to stare at it.

  “Congratulations on the upcoming wedding.” Paula, herself a newlywed, glanced down at the simple gold band on her own left hand. “So what did the packet say you should do when you get to the Philippines?” Paula chuckled, and Kaitlyn and Valerie joined her.

  Jane didn’t feel like chuckling. She wanted to, but the missing ring kept worrying at the back of her mind. If Caramel decided to say Jane had stolen the ring, she could lose everything she had worked for this far. Trying to fight such a claim was one thing… but an arrest record would look terrible on an application for overseas mission work. Jane swallowed. A criminal record would likely keep her out of the closed-off countries called the “10/40 window” as well.

  “I’ll work with the women already there, leading Bible studies and Sunday school stuff,” Kaitlyn said. “He will keep his focus on the young men, and I’ll try and reach their mothers and younger siblings.”

  “What would you do if there wasn’t a Spencer in the mix?” Valerie lifted an eyebrow. “I mean, it’s awesome that you have a built-in ministry waiting, but what if you didn’t?”

  Kaitlyn lifted her hands, palms up. “Who can ever answer what might have been? I know that before I met Spencer I knew I had to go overseas. He was on furlough.” Kaitlyn blushed. “It was pretty whirlwind, but our hearts and minds on ministry were pretty identical, so it wasn’t hard to see how our lives could easily be joined.”

  Jane looked down at her hands. She rubbed her thumbnail. It was cracked from spending so much time in hot water. She knew she could wear gloves to protect them, but she always felt gloves kept her from feeling if surfaces were truly clean. Kaitlyn and Spencer. Two perfect missionaries joining forces. She sighed.

  “That’s fair,” Valerie said. “I was just wondering. It seems harder for us single gals, if you don’t mind my saying. I’ve wanted to go overseas for a long time, but found it hard to get the wheels in motion.”