Hearts to God (The Hearts to God Series) Read online

  “May I work with you again? Another day?” His deep voice cracked.

  Madeline nodded, her body rejecting her resolve to never see him again.

  They went outside together, their silence broken when Doc requested his horse and cart in the language that Madeline did not understand. The older man who had helped Doc before stared at Madeline with hatred in his eyes. She looked down at the hard, dusty ground.

  Madeline allowed Doc to help her into the cart, but she steeled herself against his touch. She would not allow herself to enjoy it. She chewed the inside of her cheek as they drove back, the only sound the clatter of wheels and hooves crossing the rocky path that led away from Doc’s home.

  When they were halfway home, Doc slowed the horses. “I think quite highly of you, Miss Snow.” He cleared his throat. “And I hope that you will allow me to see you again.”

  She didn’t look at him, but from the corner of her eye, she saw he chewed on his bottom lip. He required an answer. A kind word like that could not be ignored.

  “Thank you.” She folded her hands in her lap to keep them still. “I would like to work with you again.” She was about to mention propriety, to say something about how it wasn’t quite right to be alone like that, but he took her hand and squeezed it, and all of her sound words flew from her head.

  “I’m real glad to hear you say that. For a minute there, I thought maybe you didn’t like me after all.”

  “Oh no. That is very far from what I was worrying over.” Madeline let him hold her hand. She couldn’t make herself pull it away from him, no matter how many times she repeated in her head that this was the last time she’d let him drive her alone.

  Sarah and Zeke stood on the front porch facing each other as though they were arguing. Madeline slipped her hand from Doc’s, hoping they hadn’t seen.

  Sarah spotted the wagon and ran down the steps.

  Zeke followed her in no hurry. When he came to the cart, he offered Madeline help down.

  His hands were strong and fatherly, another sensation Madeline was unfamiliar with, but recognized in some deep, eternal part of her soul.

  “Thank you,” she whispered, though she was sorry she had missed her last chance to touch Doc and imagine what might have been.

  Sarah jerked Madeline away. “Where have you been?” Her voice was contained but sharp at the edges. A vein stood out on her forehead.

  “I brought my stock to the Doctor’s workshop.” Madeline held her breath.

  “By yourself?” Sarah’s voice rose.

  “Grandfather was there as well, Ma’am.” Doc Lee offered Sarah his hand.

  “Your Grandfather?” Sarah spit the word out with disgust.

  “Take your sister inside, Sarah.” Zeke’s voice was firm, but his face was open and his aspect clear. “Doc and I will chat out here.”

  Madeline looked over her shoulder as she followed Sarah into the house. Zeke clasped Doc’s hand in a brotherly handshake.

  Sarah yanked a chair from the table, the legs screeching on the wood floor. She pushed Madeline down into it. ”Who do you think will marry you if word of this gets out?”

  Madeline folded her hands over the package of tea that Doc had prepared for her, the memory of his hand wrapped around hers warming her cheeks. “I won’t marry. I don’t plan on it at all.”

  “Of course you don’t.” Sarah slapped a bowl full of green beans down on the table. “I shudder to think of what you were planning.”

  Madeline sat up straighter. The implication was clear. “I only planned on selling my stock so that I can move on and establish my own place.”

  “Where?” Sarah snapped a bean and then threw it into a second bowl.

  “Somewhere else. A place where I can live in peace and make medicine.” She tilted her chin up, hoping she would not shake and betray her overworked emotions.

  “Back to the Shakers, then?” Sarah snapped another bean.

  Madeline dropped her gaze. “I can’t return there. Not while they preach a false savior.” Her words were so quiet that the snapping beans rang like gunshots.

  “Then you’ll have to marry because women can’t be doctors. Not now, not ever.”

  Madeline reached for a bean and stared at it.

  “And don’t get any ideas about marrying that half-breed.”

  Madeline snapped her bean and pulled out the long spine. “If I were to marry, I couldn’t think of anyone better than Doc Lee. In fact, did I need a husband, he would be the first and only man I would consider.” Heat rose up from somewhere inside her and rolled over her whole body as she spoke. The hope that he could be her husband, that she wouldn’t have to face life alone, made her ache in her very core. She pressed her hand to her heart and caught her breath.

  The screen door behind her swung open with a creek.

  “Sarah, sit down.” Zeke’s voice was stern. “Nobody but us knows these two spent the day alone together.”

  “Yet,” Sarah said. “Nobody knows yet. Anybody could have seen this fool of a girl ride off with him today.” Sarah dropped a handful of beans into the bowl. “But it will get out, and then who will marry her?”

  Doc Lee stood beside Zeke, his hat in both of his hands. His black eyebrows were drawn over his green eyes, and his square jaw flexed as Sarah spoke. “I have nothing but the deepest regard for Miss Snow.” He caught Madeline’s eye.

  Madeline couldn’t pull her gaze from his. His face was almost still but for a crash of emotions that warred in his eyes as though fear and hope collided.

  “You haven’t the right to regard my sister.” Sarah’s voice had an icy control at odds with her red face and bulging eyes.

  “Sarah, keep your peace.” Zeke’s voice was a low growl.

  “I won’t, Ezekiel. I will not see my only sister thrown to the gutter.”

  Anger overpowered the fear in Doc’s eyes. His shoulders rose, and he balled his hands into hard fists.

  “Why wouldn’t you want me thrown to the gutter?” Madeline stood, her voice and body trembling. “You threw me away when I was just a baby, didn’t you? I was too much trouble for you.” A deep-seated pain rose from her heart as she spoke. “What difference does it make to you who takes me off of your hands?” She stared unflinching at her sister’s angry face.

  Doc reached a hand to her, but she brushed it aside. She turned, and tripped over the high backed chair. She pushed it from her with a great crash, and ran through the door. From behind her she heard Zeke ask if he and Sarah could be alone.

  Chapter 7

  Madeline stopped under a maple tree full of the dark green leaves of late summer. She tried to catch her breath and calm her heart, but she could not. She had been a burden to her sister, from the start—an unwanted baby. Her community had made a place for her, as had God. And now Doc seemed to have room for her, somewhere in his mysterious life. But not Sarah.

  Sarah had never had room for her.

  She collapsed against the trunk of the tree, her forehead pressed against her arm. Questions poured from her lips, begging God, in English and in tongues, to show her what His will was, where the home he intended for her would be.

  But for the moment, no vision, nor quiet voice, answered her cries. She turned, resting her back on the tree, and wiped her eyes with the cuff of her long sleeve. Summer in Artemisia was too hot for a plain Shaker dress, that alone she knew for sure.

  The door to the farmhouse swung open and Doc walked out with the same cowboy swagger all of the men of Artemisia had. He came to her under the tree and lifted her hand in his. “Did you mean it, Miss Snow? Did you mean that if you needed a husband—” His voice broke, and he pressed her hand to his lips.

  Madeline’s body swayed. She reached for the tree behind her. “If God were to allow me a husband, I…” She looked into his green eyes, where hope seemed to have won the war. “I would be blessed indeed if it were you.”

  Doc gathered her into his arms.

  Her heart beat against her ribs like a
drum. She pressed her face into his quilted silk vest and inhaled the heady aroma of the herbs he loved. She turned her face so that her cheek rested on the smooth, strange fabric.

  “We could leave this town—go to San Francisco.” He bowed his head so his mouth was near her ear, his breath warm against her cheek. “In the city, we could work together in our own shop.” His lips caressed her cheek, almost a kiss. “Would you come with me?”

  Madeline lifted her head to look into his eyes again, and before she could think or pray, or decide against it, one word escaped: “Yes.”

  Doc tilted her chin up with his thumb. He paused, a breath away from her lips and searched her face. “You really would have me?”

  Before she could speak again, he pressed his full lips on hers.

  She answered his question with her kiss, lacing her fingers through his silky hair, clinging to him, as the earth seemed to fall away beneath her. He pulled away, just enough so that she could see his eyes.

  He smiled, and then grabbed her around the waist, lifted her up, and spun her around. “Yee-haw!”

  Madeline laughed and buried her face in his neck.

  Doc Lee set her down again. “You won’t regret this, darlin’, I promise.” He clasped her hand in his, and turned to the house.

  Chapter 8

  Madeline’s head spun. She had kissed him, under the tree, for all of the world and God to see. He held her hand in his again, giving her a jolt of happiness that started at her heart and shivered over her whole person, from her toes to the top of her head. She had never done anything that felt so much like rebellion before.

  He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering on her skin like a promise, and then led her into the kitchen.

  Sarah wasn’t in the room.

  Zeke sat at the kitchen table, one of his children’s slate and pencil in his hand.

  “Sit down.” His words weren’t gruff, though they were short.

  Madeline and Doc Lee sat.

  “First of all, Sarah is right. We need to learn something more about you, Doc.” Zeke face was relaxed and confident.

  Doc shifted in his seat. “What do you need to know?”

  “Now, don’t get defensive. I trust you like a brother, as you well know. But I don’t know who your people are. I don’t even know your name.”

  Doc shook his head, a half smile cracked his features. “I guess Miss Snow deserves to know that much.” He squeezed her hand. “I’m called Doc because it’s my name. Though my full name is Doc Jericho Lee. So when you marry me, you’ll be Mrs. Doc Jericho Lee, though I like the sound of Mrs. Doc.”

  Madeline shivered. Mother Ann… Mother Ann had been Ann Lee, and that name was one she had wanted to put far from her. But she nodded. He couldn’t help his name, anyway.

  “I’m a doctor of traditional Chinese medicine, as was my grandfather. I supposed my pa thought it was funny to call me Doc. And perhaps Ma didn’t understand it was a joke. But I’m a practicing doctor of Chinese medicine now, so it’s not a joke any longer. My Grandfather was a yi-sheng in China and taught me as best as he could over here.”

  “And what about your father?” Zeke kept his eye steady on Doc. “Sarah reminded me we have a daughter of our own to marry off someday, and at least in her opinion, who we give Miss Snow to will effect who will offer for our Kitty.”

  “He was a miner.” Doc’s shoulders stiffened. “He mined Hell’s Canyon.”

  Zeke sucked in a sharp breath. “And your mother?”

  “She’s lives here in town.” Doc Lee looked at Madeline, then looked away.

  “Doc, I hate to ask this, but your interest in Miss Snow makes it my business. Your father…”

  “He lived and died with the Chinese in Hell’s Canyon. He wasn’t one of the murdering rustlers.”

  Zeke let out a breath. “I’m sorry about what happened to your kin, Doc. But I’m glad your Pa wasn’t one of the men who attacked.”

  “Pa wasn’t bad for an old ghost. Just a placer miner like the rest of ‘em. He kept Ma comfortable, for the most part. He kept me often enough. Figured I’d be as good a miner as any celestial.”

  Zeke snorted. “But your Grandpa had something better in mind.”

  “You got it.” Doc didn’t seem comfortable yet. His back was straight as a rod, and he kept glancing at the hall.

  “So, your pa lived and died in the mines with your ma’s people.”

  “Yessir. He did.” Doc wiped his eye with the back of his hand.

  “But he couldn’t marry her. Not after the law was passed.”

  Doc nodded.

  “And then he was kilt.” Zeke’s face was full of sympathy. “It was a shameful, cowardly deed, make no mistake. We don’t condone that here. We might not much mix with the ‘celestials,’” Zeke chuckled at the cowboy term, “but we don’t want trouble, neither.

  “I’m a simple, uncomplicated man. I heal the sick and fix the broken.” Doc stood. “I don’t shift for gold like Pa did, or his friends. I take care of my Ma, and I quite like your Miss Snow. My Pa was Jacob Lee, Grandson to Daniel Lee, the Christian Missionary who came out to spread the gospel with his brother Jason Lee. I would hope that pedigree would be good enough for your fine wife. It was good enough for my mother, and she was the daughter of the best doctor in Oregon.”

  “Settle yourself, Doc. It’s fine. You’re from good folks.”

  Sarah stood in the doorway, shaking. “He’s from good folks? Good folks don’t live in sin. Good folks don’t dally with the Chinese. You told Doc that I’m concerned about Kitty’s future, and I am. What kind of man will have her if he hears we’ve let my sister run off with a Chinaman? Who would even look at us after that?”

  A wave of fear rolled over Madeline. Her sister’s face was red, and her cheeks tear streaked. Madeline felt hope slipping away from her. If Sarah saw this union as detrimental to little Kitty’s future, it would never happen.

  “I only have honorable intentions for Madeline, Mrs. Greene. On my word, I do.”

  “How honorable can you be when you know your folks couldn’t marry each other? Law in Oregon says you can’t mix like that. ‘Taint right.”

  Doc’s composure was beginning to show cracks.

  Madeline hadn’t known. Couldn’t have known that loving Doc was illegal. She had heard of a law like that in Ohio, but it only meant Africans…and it had been overturned during her childhood.

  Doc held up his hand. “I can’t fix what my parents have done. But my father had my birth recorded. Ma wouldn’t have known what to do about that anyways. And he put it down that I was white. Just white like you all. Called Ma Rosie Smith or some such. It was a lie, of course. And anyone with eyes can see it’s not all true. But what’s a lie compared to a law that ruins lives? I can marry Miss Snow, if I get her permission to do so. On paper, it’s perfectly legal.”

  “It won’t fool anyone, Doc Lee, and you know it. What you ask of us is impossible. We won’t let you ruin Madeline.”

  “Peace, Sarah. Please. Law in Idaho ain’t the same as the law in Oregon. But despite that, this question is a difficult one. It can’t be answered on a moment. Let me consider the facts, Doc, and return an answer to you later.”

  “In the meantime, I’ve gotta leave again, is that right?”

  “It’s for the best, brother.”

  Doc’s jaw quivered, for all the world like he was holding back tears. “We’ll wait, Zeke, but we won’t wait forever. If she’ll have me, that’s all I need to know.” He laid his hand on Madeline’s, but pulled it off quickly and stormed out of the house.

  A tear broke free and rolled down Madeline’s cheek. It must be a sign she was in error for wanting to marry. It couldn’t have been clearer if it had been written on the wall.

  “But why did you encourage him, if it was illegal all along?” Madeline gripped the edge of the table.

  Zeke looked at his wife and sighed. “There’s always a way to do the right thing in this world, Madeline, even if it isn�
�t clear at first. Give me time. And let me sit with Sarah for a while. We have a good deal of talking to do.”

  Madeline went outside, but Doc was gone. The man who had cracked open her closed heart and then sealed it again with his kiss, had disappeared.

  Chapter 9

  Madeline moved to her shed. Just a shed. Not the promise of a future. Not the symbol of her hopes and dreams. She pushed the door shut with the toe of her boot. The black shoe leather was dusty. Everything in this town was dusty, hot, and horrible. She laid her head on the table and wept.

  She stayed in the shed with her herbs until the sun set. The sky was thick with stars, and the moon was bright, but it ought to have been overcast, or storming instead. She had brought an awful lot of trouble to her house and didn’t deserve such a clear night.

  She knew if she could return to her earlier conviction, and be content to live alone, everything could be better. She begged God to take this new desire away from her, but nothing changed in her heart. There was no immediate miracle.

  She looked up again at the night sky to those stars that were the same here in Oregon as they had been in Ohio. Through the year, they would turn and change, like the seasons, but the same stars shone above her, changing in the same ways, year after year.

  God was always the same, and yet this life he had brought her to was so very different. A new season, maybe.

  She kicked the door with a thud.

  She didn’t want a new season. She wanted Doc.

  She touched the solid wood door, glad that it was stronger than her foot. The last thing she needed to do was break her sister’s house.

  She made her way to the bed she shared with her niece.

  Kitty had the blanket pulled up to her chin, her eyes squeezed shut. She was a terrible fake sleeper. Madeline nudged her gently. “Are you okay?”